Jealousy

So, I googled "how to stop being jealous" today.

This week has felt really overwhelming in regards to jealousy.

I have two people in my life that I am jealous of. One has a baby, and I think plans on having more. Another is just beginning TTC. I am jealous of what the first person has, and I am waiting for her to announce her second pregnancy at some point. I am jealous of the second person for being so positive, innocent, and naive about TTC. I wish I was back in that phase. I just know that within the next year, I will have to endure the pain of pregnancy jealousy....again. It is so stupid of me to be jealous of something that has not exactly happened yet, but I am jealous all the same.

I have many positive things in my life that I am extremely grateful for, so I need to focus on that, instead of my heartache. I'm sure that there are people in my life who are jealous of something that I have, like my great job or my home. I have to stay positive. I love the life that I have.

Anxiety about announcements

I get so shaky and anxious when I hear about other people TTC. And I do not mean close friends, but other people like acquaintances and people around me. I just start feeling so stressed out and jealous. And I assume that it is so easy for other people, and that they just get their sunshine babies, without any problems. I'll just have to pretend that I am more excited than I really am. I do support others; but now with more reservation on my end I guess.

If I get another chance, I will still never have that feeling of ignorant bliss again. I will be freaking out the whole time. And I do not know if I will get another chance. That is also so stressful and frustrating.

Ugh. I just needed to get that out, and get over myself.

One month

Wow. My little one should be one month old today.

I've been feeling okay I guess, but things like this just hit me so hard sometimes.

I suppose that I will learn to deal with this forever.

It's sad to miss someone that you never had the privilege of meeting.