healing

Healing on the inside really takes time.  Josh and I try to spend time talking about it, working towards feeling better about things. Right now, I don't think about it every minute of every day, which is a good thing. At this point, I still think about it at least a half-dozen times per day. Not thinking about it does not mean that I have forgotten, it just means that my mind is not entirely focused on it.

I've been feeling better recently, but it is hard when it feels like those that surround you think you are "all better now" and "have moved on" (whatever that means). Just because I can tell a funny story, and smile and laugh, it does not mean that I am "back to normal" (again... whatever that means). This situation gradually becomes easier to deal with and live with, but it won't be something I just eventually forget about.

I know it is still very far away, but I am already worried about my EDD. I want to plan for Josh and I to do something special on that date. We usually do not make a big deal about the day. We usually just make each other cards. I like Valentine's Day because I like little heart decorations, I like pink and red and white, I like glitter and stickers, and making valentines.

This is what I bought myself in the couple weeks after my surgery:

silver heart ring from Etsy - Mineology

I am in love with it. It is so dainty and adorable. I have worn it each day since it came in the mail. I look at it all day. I think it really helps me feel better. It represents everything so simply.

I never heard your heartbeat.
I never saw you.
I never met you.
I never saw you grow inside.
I never held you close.
I never heard your cry.
I never soothed you.
I never taught you anything.
I never heard your laugh.
I never saw you grow.
But I already loved you.
I will never forget you.

Thank you for the love you brought to our hearts, if only for a brief time.